Not posting here anymore. Crazy stalker chicks et al.

Anyone of relevance knows my new blog address. The rest of you are welcome to waste your sad lives trying to find it.

Well well. Confirmation of what I knew months ago.

… AKA Paula decided to kiss ass with the ex, make up some fab stories and try to break up a few relationships by being a little shit stirrer.

Too bad she “conscientiously” emailed someone who has no problem sacrificing others for her own gain, which only served to make her look even more pathetic and vindictive than usual when she was found out.

Irony is these bitches blaming me for their jealousies and insecurities, when the real “homewreckers” are them. Maybe if you were all less concerned with trying to hurt me and more concerned with examining your own conscience, the truth wouldn’t become so twisted in your head.

But hey, I guess you two gals were naturally drawn to each other. You’re both too absorbed in yourselves and too convinced of your own victimisation to realise the only ones who “ruined your lives” are yourselves. I feel sorry for you. Both of you.

P.S. Puh-LEASE go running to my dad about this, and tattle on the mean teenager. It amuses me greatly that neither of you have the balls to stand up to me alone when I’m *at least* half your age.

Seeing as I’m lying in bed, bored out of my mind and too sick to eat ice cream, I decided to answer that one question we have all asked ourselves, at one stage or another.

 Which flavour of ice cream am I?

Edit; God-fucking-dammit!! Why can I not do anything?! Well, I can’t link to it. So I’m going back to watching South Park. Goodbye. *sulk*

Got back from the states at the weekend, and after spending the last fortnight systematically eating my way through the city of New York, I decided I’d do a bit of a detox, Roxie-style. i.e. not eat for a while to make sure I don’t put on weight. Hmm. So I’ve been rejecting real food in favour of black coffee and flavourless popcorn.

And yet here I sit on my bed milling through a dark chocolate, organic bar and a packet of Haribo cola bottles.

 I MAKE NO SENSE!!

Booked a hotel this morning. Got my flights a few weeks ago. (Well, my daddy did. :p And I paid him back) Now I am officially Excited.

I am also officially Broke. Oh well! NEW YORK CITY, BAYBEE!! This is gonna be awesome.

Love is weird. People say “I love you” all the time and don’t mean it, and that pisses me off. I say it sparingly. And yeah, I may say it every *day* to some people, but there are only 3 of those people and it’s a new thing for me to do. It’s not that I don’t love other people, but I think the more you say it, the less meaning the words have.

I’ve seen people say it and say they MEAN it, and three weeks later they’ve fucked off and are saying it to somebody else. That’s not love. That’s selfishness. So why say it if you don’t really MEAN it, deep down?? It just makes it another trite, silly phrase that’s overused. If you love someone you don’t lie to them, and you don’t hurt them, and you don’t turn around and decide you’re pretty much done now, and you think you’ll go love someone else for a while.

You know what that makes you?

A bad person.

End of.

I’m so cheerful!!

This Bowling For Soup song… I don’t listen to them, but they came on Kerrang just now and this song made me laugh, because it’s so true. I remember being 15 and thinking, “Goddammit, as soon as I leave school everything’s going to be so much better. I’m getting a car, I’ll lose all this stupid teenager weight, I’ll be a Grown Up, people in college won’t think I’m a big dork, and I’ll be super smart because I’ll be studying something I’m actually interested in!”

Hehe… life just doesn’t happen like that. Sure, some of that stuff happened – okay, so maybe one thing changed – but in general, you’re still the same person you always were. And so is everyone else. We’ve just added a little experience and alcohol to the mix. :p I was twenty years old 7 days ago and I still eat chocolate for breakfast and whine at my daddy and have huge sulking fits if things go wrong. The last year has been….. weird, to say the least. Good in some ways, not so good in others.

I’ve learned I don’t need happy pills to gloss over the crap. But I still haven’t figured out an alternative solution. I’ve learned that everyone is college is Nobody, and they don’t care who you are. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I’ve learned that the word “friend” is used too lightly, and most of the people I considered just that are not even close. But I know now that the ones who are will stick around no matter what. I’ve learned that it might only take the smallest amount of time imaginable for someone to become so much a part of your life that you wonder how you got by without them. But while I know that I did and probably still can, I’m also getting used to the idea that I don’t have to anymore.

I still don’t quite know who I am. Pretty sure I’ll never know, and that’s fine with me, because then life wouldn’t be an experiment. I don’t know where I’ll be in 10 years, what I’ll be be, who I’ll be with, who I won’t be with. But I do know one thing.

I’m still gonna laugh at this song, because it’s always gonna be true.

Four years you think for sure
That’s all you’ve got to endure
All the total dicks
All the stuck up chicks
So superficial, so immature
Then when you graduate
You take a look around and you say HEY WAIT!
This is the same as where I just came from
I thought it was over
Aw that’s just great

Here we go again

I forgot to blog on my birthday, and remind everyone what a glorious day the 21st of January is for the world in general.

Oh well.

They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot
With a pink hotel, a boutique
And a swinging hot spot
Dont it always seem to go
That you dont know what youve got
Till its gone
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot

They took all the trees
Put em in a tree museum
And they charged the people
A dollar and a half just to see em
Dont it always seem to go
That you dont know what youve got
Till its gone
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot

Hey farmer farmer
Put away that d.d.t. now
Give me spots on my apples
But leave me the birds and the bees
Please!
Dont it always seem to go
That you dont know what youve got
Till its gone
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot

Late last night
I heard the screen door slam
And a big yellow taxi
Took away my old man
Dont it always seem to go
That you dont know what youve got
Till its gone
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot

~ Joni Mitchell, Big Yellow Taxi

“Hatred paralyses life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it.” Martin Luther King Jr

Hate is a word I use an awful lot of the time; I hate my job, I hate the weather, I hate Russell Crowe.  But it’s probably time to clarify – I don’t hate. Period. I spent the better part of 14 years trying to hate someone to prove that he didn’t hurt me, and all I did was end up hurting myself. I went through 3 psychiatrists, a family therapist, 2 counsellors, 4 schoolteachers and a hell of a lot of guidance counsellor nuns in high school – and eventually, I learned all my own, that it was time to get real and get over it. I probably would have reached that conclusion myself without all the extra help – well, maybe not *all* by myself. :p But mostly - it’s just common sense.

Because when you hate someone, it controls you. I mean, really – if you think someone is so deserving of your hate, then are they really the kind of person who’s going to be *bothered* by it? If so, then what’s the point? And if they *are* upset or bothered by it, then what kind of a person does that make you?? That’s what got me in the end; hating someone was making me negative, and making my life a misery because I didn’t like the person I was. When you carry that kind of negativity inside, it affects your soul – you can’t change that until you just let go, and until you do you’ll end up taking that badness and that anger out on everyone around you.

What brought this on?? Circumstance. Life. Let’s say, I ran into hate again. Not in me, but once you’ve felt it, it’s easy to recognise. And seeing it made me glad that I don’t have that inside me anymore. I still get ragey, I still get mad at people, I still have my moments of insanity. :p I mean, I’m ragey right now at various people for various reasons. (*cough*goddamnmallshoppers*cough*) But I don’t HATE anyone. Waste of time, waste of energy.

I’m so wise and knowing. Wise, knowing Rox. Queen of the Brainiacs. Haha.

I’m a loser. :p